


If The City Never Sleeps Then That Makes Two

by PicklesCook



Category: Young Avengers
Genre: Bad Boy!Teddy, Coffee Shops, Depression, Domestic Violence, M/M, SO, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, idk guys, just a whole mess of feels, this is kinda crappy, yeah - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-04-10
Updated: 2013-05-28
Packaged: 2017-12-08 01:21:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/755325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PicklesCook/pseuds/PicklesCook
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Hey," He nudged Billy softly, "It's going to be okay. They say everything has to get worse before it gets better, right?" Tommy whispers into Billy's hair.<br/>"Do you really believe that?" Billy's voice is small, so different than what Tommy was used to.<br/>"No, but I'm trying to make you feel better, not tell you what i think is best for you. Take it or leave it, shortcakes." Billy's laugh is what Tommy was hoping for, but the choked sob after makes it less rewarding.<br/>"I'm scared it won't."<br/>****<br/>aka that coffee shop au no one wants where everything sucks for Billy and Tommy and well everyone. Everything sucks for everyone.<br/>I'm giving it to you anyways</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. And All I Can Say Is It's Your Fault But Partially Mine

**Author's Note:**

> un beta'd  
> really apperciate it if someone would like to step up to the plate and do it  
> you get *free cookies
> 
> And if you're one of those readers who like soundtracks to the fics, here is the song for this chapter  
> Insomniac's Lullaby By Ed Sheeran

It was raining. Of course it was raining because nothing could go right for Billy today. He breathed hard into his scarf as he stumbled down the road. He needed to hurry, the sky over head was menacing, his anxiety flaring. He was the only one on the street that he could see, the time and the weather keeping him isolated. A car rushed by, water splashing up just barely missing Billy; one thing to be thankful for.

The fight was still running through his mind. He tried blocking it yet it kept springing back up, unwanted and bitter. The bruise on his cheek throbbed as Billy cast his eyes around, looking for anyone around who might notice him.

But of course, he was still alone.

His mind drifted back like it had been for the past hour. He wished he didn't have to think of it anymore. Shivering, he wrapped his scarf closer to him, trying to hide the bruise as much as he could. Billy was terrified but to any onlooker it would look as though he was simply cold.  What if Richard followed him this time? What if he wanted to hurt him more?

No, no, he wouldn't do that, he never had before, why start  _now_ _?_

 _  
_ The fight had _started_ small, as they always do. A complaint about Billy's lunch with Tommy, how he was never home anymore. Rude comments and petty words at Billy's self esteem soon progressed into pushes and shouts.

"I was spending time with my brother, Ric! It's not like I was out fooling around!" Billy tried defending himself. Ric's punch caught them both by surprise, but didn't stop their screaming match, just stoked the flames. "Fuck off, Ric! I'm tired of this, of  _you_! I haven't done anything wrong!"

"Oh, so you're finally listening to your conniving little bitch of a brother, huh? He's trying to get between us Billy! Why can't you see through his lies!" Ric snapped back, hands gripping onto Billy's shoulders. "He's jealous of what we have, what we  _had_ until you stopped coming home." Ric pushed him away, Billy's calves hitting hard against the coffee table.

"Don't talk about Tommy that way you asshole!" Billy was quick to come back, a hand pushing at Ric's chest. "You're proving everything he's said! Maybe I should have listened to him sooner!"

"He's a fucking liar!" Ric spun them around and slammed his fist into the wall beside Billy. He flinched away from the punch, inching away from Ric. "What, are you gonna go fuck him now? Is that why you're always with him? You cheating on me with your own brother?" Ric's voice rose with each word, like he was spouting whatever was on his mind.

"I'm not cheating on you!" Billy yelled voice shaking with fear. Ric had already hit him once during their fight and he'd been drinking too much again, he wasn't sure what Ric was capable of. Billy moved further away from him when Richard took a threatening step forward.

"I think you  _are_. Wouldn't be the first time, now would it?" Ric sneered, his voice low and dangerous as he crowded Billy into a corner.

"That was a kiss  _years_ ago, I was  _drunk_! I've apologized!" Billy yelled. Ric's punch hit hard, knocking Billy's head into the wall and cracking it.

Billy shook himself out of the memory as he pressed the button for Tommy's apartment.

"Casa de Sheperd," Tommy's voice crackled over the speaker.

"Beam me up Scotty," He knew his voice sounded shaky and raw, he tried to clear his throat but it didn't help. "It's Billy."

 

* * *

 

 

Only when he was sitting on Tommy's couch with a blanket wrapped around him, warm coffee in his hands, did he let himself relax. He'd been tense since they started fighting hours ago, but now that he knew he was safe his shoulders sagged in relief, tears prickling at the corners of his eyes.

"What happened to your face?" Tommy cam back into the room with a fresh cup of joe in his own hands. Billy looked up and saw the worried twist to his twin's eyes. "Don't even try the 'I fell down the stairs' bullshit you pulled as a kid. We both know you are lying so spit it out."

"We were fighting." Billy muttered, looking back down to his cup, away from Tommy's piercing eyes. Tommy's whole body tensed up, fists clenching tight by his sides. " "It's not as bad as it looks, though, Tommy I swear. This was the first time he's ever hit me." When Billy looked back up, Tommy's face had twisted in anger.

"I'm going to kill him. He's a fucking dead man, shit. Thinking he can just hurt you and get away with it." Tommy's voice was no more than a growl.

"No, Tommy, it's fine, okay? Don't worry about it. I just need a place to crash until he calms down and we talk about it like rational adults. He won't hit me again, okay?" Of course, staying at Tommy's place might not really help the situation, considering.

"You're not seriously thinking about going back to him." Tommy's voice was flat. "Billy? _Really?_ "

"What else am I supposed to do! I'm not going to just up and leave him because we got in one stupid fight!" Billy snapped, eyes narrowing into slits. "I told you, I'm not going to let it happen again, Tommy. It's  _fine_."

"He  _hit_ you! He's a manipulative asshole! I don't see what you can even like about him!" Tommy yelled back. They glared at each other for a moment before Billy deflated, looking dejected and tried.

"Look," He muttered with a sigh, putting his cup on the end table and shoving a hand through his hair, "I don't want to fight with you Tom. Can we talk about this tomorrow? I'm tired and just," Tommy's jaw tightened for a moment, before he visually forced himself to calm down. "Just don't want to do this right now, okay?"

"Okay. Just one more question and I'll let you go to bed." Billy frowned up at him, but nodded as a go-ahead anyways, "Are you even in love with him anymore, B?"

Billy froze, startled by the question. He scrubbed at his eyes before settling his hands in his lap and staring intently at them. "I don't know anymore. I mean, I love him with all  my heart," Billy looked up, voice thick as if he was trying to convince Tommy and himself this was true, "and he loves me too. I know he does. But," He sighed. Tommy crossed the room and sat down next to the brunette, pulling him for a hug.

"Hey," He nudged Billy softly, "It's going to be okay. They say everything has to get worse before it gets better, right?" Tommy whispers into Billy's hair.

"Do you really believe that?" Billy's voice is small, so different than what Tommy was used to.

"No, but I'm trying to make you feel better, not tell you what i think is best for you. Take it or leave it, shortcakes." Billy's laugh is what Tommy was hoping for, but the choked sob after makes it less rewarding.

"I'm scared it won't."


	2. They'll know your fibbing if you tell them you got hit by a door

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> song for this is little lady by ed sheeran  
> yeah  
> (someone should offer to beta this for me. yeah)

"I'm at work." Billy hissed across the counter. The sky outside was still dark, the harsh light of the cafe making everything a sickly color of yellow. Ric was pale and sweaty, pupils blown wide with only a small ring of dull grey left.

"Who the fuck cares! You're always at work, always  _busy_!" Ric growled, hands planted on the edge of the counter to keep him standing. "You wanna know what I fuckin' think?" Billy glanced around the cafe, glad there was no costumers.

"No, Ric, I want you to go home and sober up so we can talk like  _adults_ when I get home." Billy tried to keep his anger hidden, tried to be the reasonable adult everyone thought he was.

"I  _think_ ," Richard went on as if he hadn't even heard Billy speak, "that you're just a cock hungry slut and aren't comin' home 'cause you're sleeping around on me!" He went to grab for Billy over the counter but the brunette's too quick for the movement, backing up just in time to avoid the other's hand.

"That doesn't even make sense! I'm at work right  _now_ , how do you think I'm gonna cheat on you when I'm at work? Go home and we'll talk  _then_." Billy gritted out between clenched teeth. _He's just drunk_ , he told himself,  _He's drunk and acting out on repressed anger. He really does love me_.

The door jingled as it's pushed open and Ric whipped around. Billy's face heated up in embarrassment. Ric glared straight at the costumer (Kate, her name was Kate).

"You're the one he's fuckin', aren't you?" Kate raised her eyebrow at Ric's words. She was a regular to the shop and if she reported him he could be fired. He was tempted to start yelling right back at his boyfriend, but his self-hate and anxiety held him back. If he got fired for this... what would he actually _do_?

 _Could_ he do anything?

"Ric, go home." Billy said, voice soft but angry. There's a moment where it seemed like Ric was going to ignore him again, before he stormed over to Billy, hands too fast this time around and yanked him against the counter. Billy's hips hit the edges, knees banging  against the cabinets and he cried out as his head hits the counter top.

"Hey!" Kate yelled, but Ric ignored her.

"This isn't even close to finished." He growled into Billy's ear before stalking out of the cafe. Billy felt tears well up in the corners of his eyes and he swallows past the large lump in his throat. Ric was supposed to be getting better, not worst.  _If this continued_ , Billy shook his head and looked up to see Kate closer now,  _if this continues will I relapse?_ Her hands are curled up into fists and she's watching him with concerned eyes. Her mouth was set into an irritated grimace making Billy flinch. _Shit,_ he's definitely getting fired now.

"I'm um, I'm sorry you had to witness that, I, uh," Billy's throat was dry and he tried a smile instead, but it didn't quiet reach his eyes. "Did you want something? Oh, shit, yeah you want something, why else would you be here? I'm really sorry about the fighting and the wait." He stumbled over his words, embarrassment and nervousness stirring restlessly inside him.

"Are you okay? You hit your head pretty hard." She said, concern leaking into her voice as she walked forward. Billy nodded too quickly and his head gave him a warning throb.  _right._

"I'm fine ma'am." He muttered softly, eyes falling onto the counter where his hands were shaking. Ric had always kept their fights behind closed doors,  _private_ like they should be. Billy was shaken that it was getting worse, the fights, the drinking, the injuries. _  
_

"Does this happen a lot?" Billy looked up at her and she smiled softly.

"Huh?"  _Smooth Kaplan_.

"The abuse," She cleared her throat, "Is it a regular thing?" She put a hand over his; Billy shook his head.

"No! No, it's not like he, I'm  _not_ in that type of relationship. We're just going through a rough patch. That's all." Billy smiled reassuringly (he's not sure if it was for her or himself) and took his hands away from Kate's. "What can I get you? I'll give you a free treat as an apology." Kate sighed, soft smile still on her face.

"That's okay, Billy. Just give me the usual." He nodded and got to work, going over and filling the blender with ice. "If he hurts you again, leave him. I've been in an abuse relationship before and no matter how much you hope it will get better, it only gets worse" Billy looked over at her and her face had twisted into a small grimace.

"Don't worry, it won't happen again." He smiled as he handed her the cup. She shook her head and gave a small, bitter chuckle. He eyes said it all as she waved goodbye.

_Haven't I heard that before._

* * *

 

 

The sun was finally rising and the flow of costumers was steady enough to distract Billy from his thoughts. They were all spiralling down hill and if he didn't sort this all out soon he knew he'd be in trouble. He kept himself busy, wiping down the counters in between costumers, washing the machines, refilling the candy dispensers. Some costumers had pointedly stared at his bruised cheek and others had even asked about it, but he passed it off as being clumsy. The regulars laughed at him and told him to be more careful. He laughed with them, wishing his clumsiness was the cause of it.

"I'm not kidding Eli! She just," Two men came through the doors, the blonde talking loudly. Billy remembered Eli, he came in with Kate a lot. Eli was a reserved kind of guy, taller than Billy with wide shoulders and slim hips. Billy liked Eli because he always tipped well and gave him some book suggestions. Billy looked at the blonde, the two's conversation getting louder as they approached the counter. "She called me a liar and slapped me!" Eli turned to smile at Billy, smile only half way on his lips before he noticed Billy's bruised cheek and it slipped.

"What happened to your face?" Eli asked, interrupting the blonde, Eli's friend turned his gaze to Billy and frowned.

"I ran into a door again." Billy scrunched up his nose and chuckled nervously. "You know me, always have my nose stick in a book. It seems that if you don't look up you'll run into things." Eli scuffed, but looked suspicious of his reason.

"Oh?" The blonde questioned and leant on the counter, arms drapped over the edge. He smiled, showing off a row of pearl white teeth. Billy felt his heart pick up speed and his cheeks go hot. He finally looked at the blonde, actually  _looked_ , and wow. His eyes and smile were captivating, pulling Billy in. The blonde had wider shoulders than Eli and he looked more fit, but he was about the same height as Billy. "What's your favorite?" The blonde's hair was cut close to his head, but curled slightly over his forehead. He had a row of earings in each ear and his eyes were a dazzling shade of blue, specks of green floating around. Billy felt lost in them. The leather jacket hugging his shoulders didn't really help.

Eli cleared his throat.

Oh. Right. He was being talked to.

"Oh, um, the Hobbit? Maybe?" Billy shook his head, trying to clear it. He hadn't felt this way since he was a teen. Since he first met Richard.

Richard. Right, his  _boyfriend_. What was he doing getting lost in this guys eyes when he had Ric?

"Oh, LOTR fan? I'm intrigued." The blonde's smile was contagious and despite the night he had he felt himself smile back, shyly, but it was a real smile. Billy didn't remember the last time he actually smiled.

"You want the usual, Eli?" Billy asked. Eli nodded, smile soft. What was with people and giving him that look? "And you want..?" Billy turned back to the blonde, trailing off as Billy rose an eyebrow in question.

"Just a caramel frappe," He smiled brighter at Billy, "The name's Teddy." Billy blushed harder and nodded, getting to work on their orders. The two make their way to a small booth as the door jingled again. Billy turned around to great the next costumer, but froze half way.  _Ric_. He looked horrible, bags dark under his grey eyes, hair plastered to the side of his head.

But he also looked pretty sober.

Billy wasn't sure if that was good or bad.

"Richard, didn't I say to wait 'til I got off?" Billy questioned in a low voice. He knew it was dangerous to goad him but he didn't want to do this here, with people watching them.

"I came to apologize, baby." He walked up to the counter and makes to raise his hand but Billy flinched. The alarm signalling the drinks were down goes off.

"Wait a couple of minutes for my break, okay? We can talk then." Billy turned away from him, choking on his own breath.

"Boys, your drinks are done." Billy placed the cups on the counter as Teddy got up. They smile at each other for a moment.

"Thanks Billy." Billy's smile didn't quiet reach his eyes, not when they moved past Teddy to where Richard was sitting, silently watching them.

"No problem."


	3. Let's Free Fall and See Where We Land

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapters are now going to be longer yeah  
> sorry for the long wait? i have till like chapter 5 (im in the process of writing chapter 6, it might be the end, it might not tho so) yeah  
> um you can follow me at davestryder.tumblr.com if you want?? or my twitter which is also just davestryder so..
> 
> song of the chapter-  
> Where We Land by Ed Sheeran

He trusted that Eli and Teddy would be okay in the store without him. Billy pulled Richard into the back, hoping that of anything happened, no one would see it.

"Baby, I'm really sorry. I was drunk and insecure," Billy kept his eyes trained at the ground while Ric talked, "I didn't mean for anything to happen. The fight we had just," Ric stopped, tucking a finger under his chin and lifting the brunette's head, "just, look, baby, I'm sorry. He was a mistake." It took a moment for Billy to catch it, that Ric wasn't apologizing for the fight or the bruises littering his body. He was apologizing for _cheating_.

“What do you mean _he_ was a mistake?” He let each word out slowly, voice soft and angry. He took a step back from Richard, eyes ablaze with anger. “What exactly are you trying to apologize for?”

“What else would I be apologizing for, Billy? I haven’t done anything else _wrong_.” Ric snapped, eyes flashing from hurt to rage in seconds.

“I don’t know, _babe_ , maybe almost getting me _fired_? Or, here’s a crazy guess, maybe you should be sorry for _hitting me_ and being a complete _asshole_!” The punch to Billy’s jaw surprised him and he stumbled back, eyes wide.

“You know, I was actually feeling _guilty_ about fucking that kid. But now, well, maybe you deserved to be cheated on!” He followed Billy step for step as the other tried to back away. “He was certainly a better fuck than you ever were.” He snarled and Billy flinched, back hitting the door that lead back out to the shop.

“You dick! I have been nothing but good to you and you hit me, degrade me, _cheat on me_ ,” The next hit is a slap across Billy’s face, hard enough to bruise later.

“You fucking deserved it, slut. I’m just paying you back.” Richard growled.

“It was _one kiss!_ ” He yelled before Ric grabbed Billy’s shirt collar, yanking him toward him before slamming him back into the door. Billy tumbled out (he absently thought how that door was a _work hazard, it should not open that easily_ ) a cry on his lips as his had slams against the tile.

“Billy?” Eli questioned from across the room. Billy had a moment of fear that Eli would know, _everyone_ would know how weak he was, but Ric was following him out, pulling him up by his hair. Another cry fell out and he can’t waist the time to think of anyone now, he needed to get away, out of Richard’s reach.

Eli jumped over the counter just as Ric shoved Billy towards it; Billy landed against his chest and they both let out a whoosh of air. Eli gripped Billy’s sides to keep them from falling over at impact.

“Fuck you Billy, you just pretend to be this innocent fucking guy in front of everyone, but I know you’re nothing but a fucking whore.” Richard angrily reached for Billy but Eli dodged the move, tightening an arm around Billy’s waist to more easily maneuver them.

“You need to leave.” Teddy was suddenly beside them, arms crossed tight over his chest.

“You’re not the boss of me, blondie.” Ric spat out, fists clenched tight.

“If you don’t leave on your own free will, I will _force_ you out and that won’t be very pretty.” Teddy’s voice was hard and controlled, so unlike Ric’s rage filled rants. “We don’t want to mess up your face any more than it is, now do we?” He took a step forward and Ric took one back, intimated by Teddy’s bulkier frame. With one last glare directed at Bill, Richard stomped out of the café.

It was quiet for a moment before either of the two noticed that Billy was shaking in Eli’s arms, sobs shaking his shoulders. The two men awkwardly shuffled the crying brunette into a booth chair.

“It’s okay, he’s gone now.” Eli muttered, facial expression screaming how uncomfortable the situation was for him. Billy hid his face in his hands, shoulders shaking against the wall. Ted looked at Eli as he leaned against the table, trying to ask a silent ‘what do we do?’ Eli shrugged.

“I’m,” a choked noise came out instead of Billy’s next word, “I’m really sorry.” Billy barely managed to mutter in between his sobs. “He’s never; he’s never been that _bad_ before.” He looked up at Eli and Teddy, tears streaming down his face. The whole right side of his face was bruised, his lip cut open. Teddy had to hold in his anger at that, the defeated look in Billy’s eyes making it even worse. _This isn’t how you treat the people you love_.

“It’s not your fault, Billy. You didn’t do anything wrong.” Eli tried to comfort the other, but that only seemed to make him cry harder.

“I’ll, uh, here let me call your brother.” Eli muttered, pulling his phone out quickly. Billy nodded despite his tears. He just wanted to go home and be done with this day, but he knew that’s where Ric would be.

“Tell him not to worry.

 

* * *

 

 

Tommy showed up fifteen minutes later, in which Billy had stopped crying and had called his boss to get someone to come and cover for him (only after convincing from Eli and Teddy who told him he was in no condition to work). Billy was curled back on the seat, feet tucked in close to himself, knees up to cover his face and he was left to wonder how Eli had Tommy’s number and how they knew each other. He’d come up with at least three completely outrageous stories to make him feel better.

“You okay bro?” Tommy asked as he approached where Billy sat with his eyes closed, chin resting on his knees. Billy looked up with only slightly watery eyes and nodded at his twin. Tommy scoffed, holding out his hand for Billy to grab onto. Billy smiled softly and sadly before taking it. Tommy hauled Billy up onto his feet beside him.

“Take care of him okay?” Cassie, Billy’s replacement for the night, smiled and waved as the men made their way outside, the brothers’ hands still clasped together. Tommy had maneuvered Bill into the car before shutting the door. He turned around to the other two, casually leaning against the door.

“So thanks for calling me Eli. The next time you see that prick, punch him for me?” Tommy’s face contorted in anger for a moment before calming back down to his normal blank expression. “My dumbass brother refuses to let go of the dick. I honestly think he’s afraid of being alone.” Tommy directed his weirdly emotionless eyes to Teddy, “Thanks, to the both of ya. I’m scared to think of what might’ve happened if he’d been alone with him.”

“No problem, Tommy, anything for you and Billy.” Eli smiled softly and Tommy finally smiled back.

“Well I should probably get this loser to bed.” Tommy smirked as he rounded to the other side of the car. “See ya around. Glad to have you back, Ted.” Teddy’s sure he saw Tommy’s face soften as he got into the car, but it was gone in a flash and the car was driving away. Teddy watched it leave, didn’t take his eyes off of it until it turned out of sight. He can’t seem to shake the bubbling feeling low in his gut; it made him nervous and out of breath.

“So how was your first day back?” Eli nudged Teddy’s shoulder, a fond grimace on his face.

“Interesting.”

 

* * *

 

 

“How do you know Eli?” Billy asked some two hours later, curled up into Tommy on the bed. Tommy’s eyes flickered from the TV to him, then back to the TV.

“We went to high school together. He was in track with me and we used to go to parties together with Ted at Kate’s all the time.” Billy made a surprised noise and looked up at Tommy, eyebrows raised. Tommy’s face is completely blank (that kind of scared Billy, it’s been so long since he’d seen that look directed at him) and his eyes are trained on the TV.

“I don’t remember that.” Billy remarked, trying to recall the three of them around Tommy; nothing came up.

“You weren’t,” Tommy stopped, cleared his throat, “It was during junior and senior year. I wouldn’t expect you to, uh, remember them.” Tommy leant down and planted a kiss on Billy’s forehead. A sad look flashed in Tommy’s eyes before being snuffed out.

“Oh.” Billy’s voice was small. He didn’t remember his stay in the mental institute more than white walls and nightmares. Of course, he wasn’t in the right mind to remember much during that time. He knew why he was in there, everyone knew why he had been in there. It hadn’t been much of a surprise to anyone when he had his mental break down. Tommy and his adopted parents had been waiting for it; they knew at least one of them would go ‘crazy’ like their biological mother did. What was a surprise was that he pulled himself out of it, unlike Wanda.

He shivered, trying to get rid of his thoughts.

“Look, it doesn’t matter where I know them from. They’re friends, _good people_ , Billy. You’ll like them. Maybe if you’re up to it you could come with me to meet up with them. They should be meeting up soon since Ted’s back in town. It might help get your mind off Mc. Asshole.” Tommy smiled down at Billy, a real, genuine smile, and it was contagious. Billy can’t help but smile back, wincing slightly at the pain flaring up in his cheek.

“Sure.”

 

* * *

 

 

The night air was cool against his burning skin and Billy idly wondered how anyone could do this every night of every week. He took in a deep breath as the door shut behind him with an echoing thud. The bouncer nodded at him, eye brows rising as Bill tripped over his own feet. He waved him off though, letting out an embarrassed laugh.

“I’m not drunk, just clumsy.” The guy raised a skeptical eye brow, but scoffed and let him make his way down the street. Billy remembered seeing a park not far away on the way here and consciously started in that direction. It was maybe two in morning, too late for any kids to be out playing and too early for any early bird joggers. Billy smiled as the park came into view, stumbling over the sidewalk on the way to the swings. He let out a disgruntled noise at seeing someone on the swings, but he figured it was just another person like himself, tired and worn out from the constant noise and movement of the dance floor.

To be safe, he sat at the swing farthest away. He kicked his feet out, humming softly to himself as he started to swing. The other guy didn’t make any move to say anything, so Billy let him be, humming an aimless tune and swinging higher. They stayed like that for minutes, hours, Billy wasn’t quite sure, but it was nice. His life had been too hectic lately, it reminded him too much of the hospital and getting out. How everyone treated him like he was breakable and weak.

“You’re Billy, right?” The brunette startled, almost sliding off the swing. He turned to the other man and almost fell off again when he realized it was Ted.

“Yeah, yeah I’m Billy. Ted, right?” And he should hit himself for copying Teddy, but he was tipsy and tired and out of his league.

“Yeah,” Teddy chuckled and it was nice and Billy _felt_ nice. This was how he was supposed to feel, how normal people felt. He wondered if he hadn’t had his mental breakdown in high school, if he would have known these people then, would he have even met Ric? Would he have gone through all of that?

“Aren’t you supposed to be inside? Wasn’t this party about your return home?” Billy tried to forget about the 'what if’s because it didn’t matter now. What had happened, happened. He couldn’t change it, and neither could the blonde sitting across the swing set.

Billy was a thinking drunk.

“They will take any excuse to party.” Teddy laughed again and pushed off the swing, stepping towards Billy. “It was even worse in high school.”

“And you don’t?” Billy looked away, watched a car drive by, and tried to calm his suddenly racing heart. He didn’t quite know what this was, or if this was some drunk thing, but he knew these feelings weren’t safe. He’d tried the whole ‘relationship’ thing before and it didn’t work out so well. He wasn’t quick to do that again.

“Not like that. I’m more of the ‘smoke on the side of the road and drive to the middle of nowhere and get drunk off my ass’ type of guy.” Billy could feel Teddy move forward and he slowed his swing until he was barely rocking back and forth. “I’m not really into the night club setting.” Billy glanced up and Ted was smirking, his piercings catching the light from a car driving by.

“So you’re more of the bad boy type, huh?” Billy wasn’t sure what he was doing; he blamed this on being drunk (even though he had all of two drinks) as he planted his feet into the ground, watching Ted with hazed eyes.

“You could say that.” Ted grabbed onto the chains of Billy’s swing and leaned down, lips almost brushing the others. “Maybe you should ask your brother.” Teddy’s eyes were focused on Bill’s lips and the brunette couldn’t help but swipe his tongue over them, his mouth suddenly dry. He wondered if Ted was going to kiss him and if would be anything like Ric. He didn’t have much experience in that field.

“Ted! What are you doing out there?” Kate came stumbling out of the club, drink sloshing over the concrete. The bouncer grunted and she was apologizing and Teddy was stepping back, eyes now focused on Kate. Everything was happening too fast for Billy to really catch and he could still feel the almost brush of Ted’s lips and the heat of his body. He shivered, hanging onto the swing. “Are you picking up another one of your boy toys?”

It was like cold water being poured on him.

Billy shook himself out of his daze and stood, brushing past Ted in embarrassment. He’d let himself get away with himself again. He clenched his teeth and nodded at the bouncer as he went back inside. Billy wasn’t going to allow a repeat of Ric. He spotted Tom sandwiched between two girls and made his way across the dance floor to him. When Tom smiled at him, despite feeling the mania crawling back up, he smiled back. He didn’t want to ruin his twin’s night because he had been stupid.

“Come dance, B!” Tommy was pulling him in and the girls were giggling and he let himself be pulled back into the heat and feel of the night.

 

* * *

 

 

Billy’s phone was constantly ringing. At some point, in a fit of anger, he chucked it against the wall as hard as he could. That only resulted in a hole in Tommy’s kitchen wall and a crack splintering through his cell.

The constant ringing didn’t stop.

The messages left from the missed calls and unanswered texts ranged from, “I’m sorry Billy, come home,” to “You fucking slut no one but me could ever want you.” It was a month since the coffee shop fight and his bruises were turning a sickly yellow. The ones on his hips and knees were almost completely faded. It was the longest he’d stayed away from Ric, the closest he’s come to breaking it off.

Billy had been hanging out with Tommy and his friends since that night. He didn’t really have anyone else, or anything else better to do.

It was pretty pathetic.

“You coming with us tonight?” Tommy was shrugging on a jacket and grabbing his keys from the table, not really paying attention to Billy, who stood in the door way, eyes wide.

Billy looked at his brother, really looked at him for the first time in years. His shoulders were relaxed and his smile genuine. Billy could remember a time when Tommy was too tense around him, scared that if he made one wrong move Billy would fall apart all over again. Billy knew his stunt with the hospital scared everyone, but especially Tommy.

“What?” Tommy tilted his head, confusion painting his features as he looked over at Billy. His emotions weren’t guarded anymore; another change. Billy looked away, looking everywhere but Tommy for a moment before taking a hesitant step forward, eyes finally making their way back to the blonde.

“You’ve changed.” Billy muttered, fidgeting in his place.

“Well, yeah. I can’t just where my work clothes out to hang with,”

“No, I mean, _you’ve changed_. A lot. You’re not the same person you were before junior year.” Tommy looked surprised, mouth opening as if to talk before snapping it shut again. They watched each other for a moment, both at a loss for words.

“Neither are you.” Tommy finally said back, setting his keys back down. “A lot of things have happened since then. People change. It happens.” Tommy frowned, walking toward Billy.

“It’s because of me, isn’t it? You’re so cold to people now but you’re so nice to me. I don’t even deserve it Tommy.” Billy felt a tightness in his chest as Tommy grabbed him and pulled him in for a hug. The brunette clenched his hands in the others shirt, burying his face in Tommy’s neck.

“Billy, you deserve the world. Don’t put yourself down like that.” Tommy muttered in to his shoulder.

“But what if that’s not true? What if I’m a horrible person and that’s why all this shit is happening to me?” Billy held Tommy’s shirt like al life line, all desperation and flimsy hope.

“Then we can be horrible people together.”

 

* * *

 

The club they're in was dark, the only light around was a dim lamp in the corner. The music was thumping, pulsing through Billy's body like his own heartbeat. Tommy was smiling next to him, bright and mischievous and  _drunk._ He was laughing at something Kate said (more like yelled) and Eli was holding him up by and arm slung around his twin’s waist. Billy slipped away silently, unnoticed. The world felt like it was closing in on him and he needed some fresh air, some _quiet_. He stumbled out the back door, his limbs not working well with the vodka running through his system. Someone catches him by the forearm, keeping him from face-planting. He straightened himself (as much as he could with how the world was spinning) and went to thank the stranger.

Teddy starring down at him with twinkling eyes and a soft smile was not what he was expecting.

“Thanks.” Billy croaked, retracting his arm to his side. Teddy’ fingers slipped across it before he turns and leans back against the wall, putting a cigarette to his lips.

Teddy blew out a ring of smoke and smiled, “No prob.” He chuckled, and this was all too similar for Billy’s liking, “We should really stop meeting like this. It might make people wonder.” A smirk was directed his way; his knees weakened a bit. He blamed the vodka. “You wanna smoke?” He took a pack from his leather jacket and points it at Billy. The brunette took one in between slim fingers.

“I didn’t know you smoked.” Billy mumbled as he put his between his lips, his other hand searching in his pocket for a lighter. Teddy flicked his wrist and his lighter’s cap flicked back. Billy laughed, a light, twinkling sound as the other smirked, leaning over to light the cigarette.

“I’m a bad boy, remember? Gotta keep up appearances somehow.” Billy took a drag, holding it for a little too long before letting it out on a small hiccupping cough.

“If you _were_ a bad boy, you’d be in there getting drunk off your ass with the rest of them.” Billy said back and was this flirting? God, Billy realized, ha hadn’t flirted with someone in ages, maybe only once before, with Ric.

Teddy laughed and it sounded it like heaven. (Billy blamed the vodka, this wasn’t like him.)

“Doesn’t that make you a bad boy, then?” Teddy flicked away the cigarette bud and leaned closer to Billy.

“I’m out here with _you_ , aren’t I?” Billy smiled and it felt good. Everything about right here felt good, and maybe it would last longer this time, maybe no one will interrupt and send this feeling fleeing. Teddy chuckled again, eyes lowering to Billy’s lips once more.

“You know, you’re doing that wrong.” Teddy commented, voice disinterested, but the spark in his eyes said otherwise.

“Oh yeah?” Billy breathed out with some smoke. He rose an eyebrow.

“Yeah, commere.” He slid up to Billy and smirked again, “Okay, take a deep breath.” Billy followed the instructions, his eyes glued to blue ones, “Good boy, now hold it.” Billy lowered his hand to his side as Ted leaned in and caught his lips with his own. He coaxed Billy’s lips open and breathed in the smoke. He leaned back, rocking on his heels and breathed out a small ring of smoke with a wink.

The door next to them burst open causing them both to jump apart, the moment ruined.

“Fuck, B, you can’t just disappear like that!” A drunk Tommy was pulling him into a hug. Eli followed him out the door, eyes on Teddy.

“What were you two doing out here?” Eli asked, causing Tommy to look over at the other like he was just noticing Ted was there. Which, considering how much Tom had to drink, was probably true.

“Having a smoke.” Billy said a little too quickly, avoiding every ones’ eyes.

“A smoke. I thought you kicked that habit B?” Tommy’s expression was unreadable as he pushed Billy over to Eli. “It doesn’t matter. Go talk to Kate so she doesn’t think we all died.” Eli nodded and Billy followed him through the door, a quick glance back, before starting to apologize to the other, saying something about fresh air and too many people.

Tommy turned to Ted who was leaning against the wall again, eyes cast downwards. “What are you playing at here?” Tommy asked, looking down the dark alley. He thought he saw something move, but hell, he was _drunk_ and it was dark.

“I’m not playing at anything Tom.” Teddy finally responded after moments passing in silence.

“I saw how close you were to my brother, I’m not a dumbass!” Tommy yelled, tipping to the side a bit.

“Nom but you are drunk.” Ted pinned him with a stare. Tommy growled and turned away from him.

“I don’t care what I am and what I’m not. I _know_ what I saw.” There’s a pause; Tom burped, “If you hurt my brother, I don’t care that you’re my friend. I’ll beat the shit outta ya. B’s been through too much just for you to break him back down.” Tommy’s slur dropped a little as if he was sobering up, “He’s my everything. And I won’t take nicely to you ruining that.”

 

* * *

 

“No.” Tommy raised an eyebrow at Billy as if to say ‘ _really_ ’. “Tommy, I promise. There is _nothing_ between Ted and I. It was just one kiss. We were drunk.” Billy’s hands were busy making drinks for everyone as he talked. Tommy was leaning against the counter, watching Billy, while the others were laughing and joking at the corner booth. Billy’s eyes come up when Tommy doesn’t reply after a few minutes. Tommy was staring at him with those knowing eyes of his, the sad ones. He put the cup down and smiled.

“Tommy, look, I’m not looking for relationship right now, or maybe _ever_. I still haven’t officially broken it off with Ric yet.” Tommy’s expression didn’t change and Billy sighed. “It was just a spur of the moment thing. I was drunk and upset and lonely. We flirted a bit and exchanged _one stinking kiss_. One. You showed up and ruined the moment. That was _it_. I promise you Tom, if there was anything more, I’d tell you.”

“Come on guys, hurry it up!” Kate yelled. Billy smiled at that and gave Tommy some drinks to carry.

“Come on, let’s not keep them waiting.”


	4. I Feel My Nightmares Watching Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nightmares by Ed Sheeran  
> Sorry for the small chapter and long wait, next one will be longer for sure (not the wait, hopefully I can get julia to motivate me)  
> I might not be able to update this weekend (although I certainly hope I will) because I'm going. Okc pride! Yeah.

When Ric stopped calling, Billy didn't think much of it. Ric had never called during any fights before so this part, the silence, the hurt, the distance, was normal. Billy was used to it.  
The nightmares, though, he was not.  
The nightmares were rare and few in between, but they ranged from 'I'm scared' to 'is this what hell looks like?'. He'd wake up sweating, panting, gasping for breath every time. Each time it got harder to wake up, each time it was harder to get a grasp on humanity and reality. He struggled just to open his eyes, to wake up and see that it was only a dream, nothing more. Tommy would treat him delicately the next day, but would somehow, in a roundabout way, tell Billy "maybe you should go back to therapy?" With a worried look in his eyes.  
This dream was the same.

*

Billy was throwing up, bent over on himself. There was pain everywhere, clenching his muscles in a death grip, keeping him locked in place as his body convulsed. He choked on the vomit and bile rising up his throat, a coughing fit racking his body with new pain. There were people crowded around him, so many people, and there was yelling and crying and panic and laughing. All through this, the pain, the people, the tears, Billy felt oddly calm. He felt blank. This was it, he was going to die and not one would stop it, could stop it, not this time.  
It was relaxing to know you were about to die in the way it’s relaxing just before you fall asleep, just before your eyes close and the darkness takes over.  
There was blood everywhere, dripping from his body like a running faucet. There was someone yelling about pressure, apply fucking pressure, but Billy couldn't care less, couldn't find it in himself to care about much at the moment, not with a hazy numbness hanging around the back of his mind, closing in on him. The pain was slowly ebbing away, replacing its self with the numbness that has already clouded his mind.  
"Fuck" Billy choked out and was that blood or vomit falling out of his mouth? Did it honestly matter?  
This was a messy way to go.  
He knew the cuts by themselves wouldn't do the trick, they never did, but the pain killers made his blood run like water, made his stomach roll in pain, made him throw up and choke and fall down. Down, down, down, hitting the floor barely hurt, but he logically knew he had fallen hard. The white floor was cold, everything was cold.  
Everything was white.  
How long had he been here? All day, all night, everything was so fucking white. It was sickening. It was calming in a way it shouldn't be. Tommy's hair was white.  
Everything was bleeding red.

*

The next few weeks were spent in a haze of depression. Billy could barely push himself to get out of bed let alone to go to work. Tommy took the days off with him, fluttering around the house with nervous energy, doing anything Billy asked of him. The trio, as Billy had come to call them, showed up every other day with food and company.  
Billy kind of just sat there and watched.  
He could feel some of the memories slipping in from his stint at the hospital, cold tile floors and soft radio static. He tried his hardest to push them away, to stay up too late so he wouldn't dream. It didn't work very well, just made his limbs more sluggish and his mind foggier.  
The day Billy woke up alone was the worst. His breath was stuck in chest, his eyes watery and his body covered in cold sweat. He choked out a sob, Tommy's name distorted by lack of air, and curled in on himself.   
He refused to leave his room until Tommy got home, and even then refused to leave Tommy's sight.  
When he finally managed to calm down, to breathe right, Kate pulled him out of the house. She took him to a movie and dinner and Billy joked about it being a date and she winked. It was easy, and Kate watched as the tension slowly left Billy's shoulders and the desperation in his eyes morphed into content throughout the night.  
Returning to Tommy's bed later that night, curled tight into Tommy, he realized it was the first time that someone other than Tommy had calmed him down. A weird, hazy feeling of being happy settled over him. A feeling of not being so alone anymore.

*

Billy locked the door to the shop, muttering about "stupid Tommy," and "seriously that was like a month ago." He turned, eyes darting around the empty parking lot, there could be some axe-wielding murderer on the loose (the idea of a serial killer who killed you by spraying too much axe came to Billy's mind and he giggled). He started towards his car, swinging his keys by the tips of his fingers and humming a song Teddy had showed the group the other night. Tonight, the group was planning on heading to Ted and Eli's house for game and movie night (and tons of Chinese food, it was a tradition the other four had from high school, apparently). He was glad they went out of their way to make sure he knew he was invited (and comfortable, since they were all still feeling pretty bad about forgetting to tell him the last time, which ended up with everyone wondering where Billy was while he curled up in bed in loneliness.)  
He was starting to feel more social again, less lonely and nervous around everyone. Everything was going good.  
Which was probably why everything went to complete shit in the span of two seconds.  
"Billy?" The brunette whipped around to see Ric standing there half covered in shadow. Billy took a deep breath, steadying himself and trying to keep his panic down. Now would not be a good time for a panic attack, or really anything that didn't involve getting Ric to leave.  
"Ric, what are you doing here?" His voice was hard bur shaky as he shoved a hand into his pocket, gripping his phone as if his life depended on it. If things took a turn for the worst, which, with Ric, they probably would, he needed to be ready to call for help. He wasn't going to let Ric beat him into submission anymore. He didn't have to do this alone.   
"I came to see you, but I was kicked out of the shop last week for hanging around too much. I had to wait until you were alone." Ric looked away, covering his face in shadow, "I’ve changed, Billy, for you, for us. I promise, I'll treat you better and I'll stop yelling at you and stop drinking," the darkness made it hard for Billy to tell if the other was lying or not, but in the end, it didn't matter. Billy straightened his shoulders, knowing this wasn't going to be pretty. "I'm sorry that I hurt you. I want to make it better, to fix us. My world is nothing without you baby," Billy flinched at the nickname and discretely speed dialed Tommy's number.  
"I'm sorry Ric, but nothing you can say or do will make what you did better. We aren't good for each other, we'll only end up fighting again," He tried to keep it light, to not anger Ric, but the step forward told Billy he'd failed.  
"Are you breaking up with me? Billy, please, baby, don't do this to me. I love you." Billy pressed himself against the car at Ric's next step forward and he heard a whisper of Tommy's voice. He hoped it wasn't voicemail.  
"I don't love you anymore, Ric. Our relationship can't be fixed. I'm sorry." Billy tried to open his door and climb in but Richard pinned him before he could duck into the car.  
"Don't say that baby. Please," Ric's breath reaks of cheap whiskey as he pressed up against Billy, the door cutting into the others back. "I can fix this. I can fix this." He pressed against him again, Billy's back getting pressed more harshley against the frame, arms trapped between their bodies.  
"Let me go," Billy tried for soothing, pleading with his voice. He pushed with all he could with his restrained movement, but Ric didn't budge. He pressed a kiss to Billy's lip and Billy bit at them. Ric, as if from reflex, backed up and slapped Billy across the face.  
"Just come back to me," Ric begged as Billy struggled against his hold. He brought his knee up, missing his attended target but Ric backed up a bit, enough for Billy to get into the car. Richard was there pulling at his legs even before he could close the door.  
Billy kiocked hard as he could and managed to catch Ric's thumb. It got a yelp out of him, but the other didn't let up his attack. Ric had gotten him half way out of the car again before someone was jerking Ric back, forcing him to lose his grip or lose his balance. Billy didn't take the time to see who was helping him, only that he needed to get out of the fight and away from danger. He scrambled back into the car and slammed the door shut, pushing all the locks down almost frantically. When he finished, he tucked himself into the middle of the car, legs up onto the seat, head between his knees as he tried to just breathe. It was all going to be okay if he could breathe again and gain control of himself. Billy felt his thoughts blur together and he silently pleaded he wouldn't go through another episode.  
He didn't know how long it took to get his breathing even, but suddenly there was a knock on the window. He stayed in his position for a moment, almost scared to look up. The next knock was more urgent; Billy took a deep breath and looked up. Tommy was staring at him with a worried expression, eyebrows drawn tight together. The brunette moved his hand from his hair (when did it get there? He couldn't remember moving his hands) and it's shaking so hard it took five tries to unlock the door. Once it was unlocked, Tommy was yanking the door open and gathering Billy to his chest, pulling him out of the car to get a better hold on him.  
"Are you okay? Did he hurt you? Billy, serious you are scaring me, speak to me? Can you even hear me? Billy?" Tommy pet his hair, mouth moving a mile a minute.  
"Maybe if you let him talk he might." Kate interupted his tirade. Billy looked over and yes, Kate was really there. (See? Billy couched himself, letting his shoulders relax a bit more, you're with friends. You are safe. They won't let anyone hurt you.)  
"This isn't the time for jokes Kate. This could have turned out so much worse if Billy hadn't called" And that was Eli; Billy took a deep, calming breath. "Yo, Ted, you okay over there?" It was like the whole gang was there, my god. Billy had a moment of feeling like a damsel surrounded by knights before he lifted his head to look at the others. Eli and Kate were huddled close together, Ted was off to the side, straightening his leather jacket over his broad shoudlers, blood on his lip. Tom's face was burried in Billy's shoulder, deep breathes tickling him.  
"Are you okay?" Billy croaked. It seemed to startle everyone but Tommy, who just chuckled softly into his neck.  
"Of course. You get attacked and you are worried about everyone else." Tommy mumbled while pulling back a little to smile at the others.  
"I'm fine, the dick just has a mean right hook." Teddy smirked and wiped the blood off his lip. Billy and Teddy stare at each other for a moment and Billy couldn't help the butterflies in his stomach.  
It was probably the adridiline. Totally. Yeah.  
"Maybe we should get going before he wakes up? I honestly don't want to deal with him again. " Kate breaks the moment.  
"I can't drive myself home, uh," Billy spoke up, showing them his incredibly shaky hands. Well, I drove everyone here so I can't," Tommy frowned.  
"I'll drive him." Everyone turned to look at Ted. Kate had this unreadable look in her eyes and Eli looked worried. Billy shooke the bad feeling in his gut off, Eli always looked worried and Kate was always up to something.  
"Can I trust you to get him home safe? I've seen how you drive." There was an undertone to Tommy's words, they sounded almost threatening.  
"You know I can."


	5. My Knees Feel Weak and I Fell Too Fast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Do you always have this much dramatic flair with the other boys?" Billy wrapped his arms around Ted's neck. The other leant forward and brushed their lips together lightly, pulling back only to dive in again and kiss him hard and fast.  
> "Is your life always this soap opera-y?" Teddy retorted back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i was going to make this longer but theres other shit that needs its own chapter  
> sorry im bad at writing fics oops
> 
> you break me by ed sheeran is the song of the chapter yeah

The car was silent except for Billy's labored breathing. He wasn't thinking straight yet, thoughts zooming by without correlation or rhythm. Billy kept sneaking glances at Teddy, expression uncertain as he tried to figure out his feelings. He realized now probably wasn't the best tine (read as this was the worst time) to make _any_ decisions, let alone ones about relationships of any kind.

"If you keep looking at me like that, I won't be able to stop myself from kissing you, Kaplan." Teddy's expression didn't change, but Billy froze, eyes wide and glued to the blonde. Teddy, after moments in silence, finally looked at him (and he looked just as uncertain as Billy felt), his mouth twitching up at the corner, eyes calculating. Billy looked away when Ted looked like he would say something else, blush staining his cheeks a bright red. He set his head against the window, the cool glass calming his nerves.

"Why are we pulling over?" Billy made a startled noise as the car jerked to a stop. Teddy ignored him, yanking the car into park and scrambled out of the car, so unlike his usual suave movements.

Billy knew (somewhere in his brain, the logical side of him) that he should be scared right now. He was on a pretty much abandoned road with a man he barely knew anything about, a man that had been toying with him for weeks, flirting. It was dangerous and Bill just got out of an abusive relationship not even an hour ago.

Yet, when Teddy clambered out of the car, keys still in the ignition, Billy followed. He stumbled over some rocks in his haste out the door and he was still slightly woozy from the adrenalin running through his system and the fast, jerky movements he was moving with.

It was hard to breathe when Ted smiled at him and Billy knew this was dangerous, that Teddy practically oozed trouble and sex and dirty promises and Billy should walk away and not get involved. But in that moment, with Teddy's lips turned upward, headlights illuminating them both as they rounded the corner, the light catching on Ted's earrings, reflecting across his face, dancing almost and his blue eyes looked almost white, they had to be fake.

Billy couldn't find himself to care about the danger.

Billy stopped in front of him, barely inches apart, and he felt like he was in an eightes romance and he couldn't help the bubbling laugh that escaped. Teddy smirked and it ruined the almost angelic qualities of his face, made him rougher, mischievous, cunning. Teddy grabbed him by the belt loops and yanked, pulling them together the rest of the way.

"Do you always have this much dramatic flair with the other boys?" Billy wrapped his arms around Ted's neck. The other leant forward and brushed their lips together lightly, pulling back only to dive in again and kiss him hard and fast.

"Is your life always this soap opera-y?" Teddy retorted back.

"Actually, yes." They were kissing again, needy and wanton. Billy was the one to pull back, that put some distance between them. "I've got to make this clear, though, okay? I'm not looking for a relationship right now. My last one was a catastrophe. You saw it." Billy let out a nervous chuckle, he had never made this kind of proposition before, never been with anyone but Ric. "So if we do this, we can't be anything more than friends with benefits. And Tommy can't know." If Teddy's voice was off, slightly strangled and choked up when he replied with a soft "sure", Billy barely noticed before Teddy was distracting him with another kiss and everything felt like it would work out.

For Billy at least.

 

\--------

 

They'd mostly meet when Tommy was at work. Sometimes they'd meet at Tommy's and go somewhere on Teddy's bike together, other's they stayed at Teddy's house and make out on the couch.

Very rarely did Billy let Teddy pick what they did.

He usually picked somewhere that made Billy's heart ache, made him sometimes miss Ric, miss who he was before the drinking took over. Billy would never tell Teddy that the places he'd take Bill to brought up old memories of Ric.

He was glad this time didn't.

It was one in the morning, Billy should be sleeping, or at least in a house. Should is the operative word here. Instead, he was stretched out on a field with Teddy lying next to him, gazing up at the dark sky, littered with dots of light. The color of Teddy's eyes matched the stars, both bright and burning.

"My mom used to take me here." Teddy whispered into the quiet night. Neither had talked in so long that the noise made Billy flinch. "Back before she got sick, you know. We were here almost every night." And Billy knew that voice, knew it like the back of his hand, because it was a remembering voice, an 'I miss them' voice.

"It's a beautiful place." Billy turned to stare at Teddy, the way his blonde hair looked translucent in the moon light, the way his chest rose calmly with his breaths. Teddy smiled up at the sky, didn't look at Billy, but his eyes closed for a second, it felt like forever. Billy watched as the smile slipped from the blonde's face, leaving a solemn expression in its place. His eyes opened slowly, blinking once or twice and maybe that was to get rid of tears, but Billy couldn't know, not with the way Teddy would look at him. Billy realized that he really didn't want to know if Ted was crying or not. "My mom loved the outdoors. She was a huge fanatic; camping, fishing, hiking, you name it we did it." There was a pause where Billy didn't know what to say, didn't know if he should even be listening because they were friends with benefits and this was deep and dark and a part of Teddy most people didn't see or know or cared to know, "The bike was hers. When she got sick she couldn't ride it anymore so she gave it to me." Teddy let out a choked laugh that made Billy's throat tighten and chest ache. This wasn't how this night was supposed to go, wasn't how he wanted to see Ted as. "I refused at first, it was hers and she was supposed to get better." Ted was supposed to be care free and tough and not this soft smile and pained eyes.

"Ted," Billy muttered, he had to stop him, had to keep this relationship light so he could make a clean break. Because this was going to end sooner or later and Bill didn't want to be on the hurting side of it. "Hey, look at me." Billy turned over onto his side and placed a hand on the others cheek. "She sounds like a great person." Teddy turned to face Billy, eyes suddenly guarded and a fake smile on his face. Billy was disgusted in himself that Teddy's mask comforted him, that he wanted Teddy to pretend to be okay again because that's what Billy needed.

"She would have loved you Bill." And Billy didn't know why that hurt as much as it did. He leant forward and kissed Ted hard, dragging himself closer to him by hooking an arm around the blonde's neck.

 

*Really badly written smut up ahead*

 

 Teddy groaned into the kiss, hands moving to grip Billy's hips and pulled them even closer together. Billy rocked his hips into Teddy's and they both let out a stuttering moan. Their broke the kiss and Ted slipped a hand down the back of his Billy's pants, cupping his ass over his boxers. Billed pressed his forehead into Teddy's shoulder, moaning as they found a rhythm together.

"Shit, Bill," Teddy groaned into his easy, breath ghosting across the lobe, "don't stop." Billy moaned again, hips hitching forward as Teddy squeezed.

"Are we really, ah, dry humping like pair of horny teens?" Billy laughed breathlessly, dragging a hand under the back of Teddy's shirt, bunching the shirt up Teddy's stomach.

"It seems so," Teddy smiled into Billy's hair before letting out a surprised moan when Bill dug his nails into his back. "Oh shit, yeah." Teddy retaliated by biting the other's ear and shoving a hand between them and down Billy's boxers, wrapping his fingers over Billy's shaft. Billy let out a startled cry and came in his boxers. Teddy groaned as the wetness seeped through the brunette's jeans and into his. Billy panted against his shoulder, his whole body shivering. Teddy was too far gone to stop the stuttering of his hips and when Billy palmed him through his jeans he knew he needed more.

"Come on Teddy." Billy whispered into his ear as he rubbed him. The blonde whimpered, this wasn't going to cut it; he needed something more to tip him over the edge. He was so close.

"Bil-Billy, I," Teddy tried to tell him, _more, I need more_ , but there was suddenly a hand dipping into his jeans, another one pulling them down and Billy was slipping lower with them. Teddy groaned and rolled onto his back at Billy's insisting push against his hip. There was wet heat against his cock and he looked down to see Billy mouthing him through his boxers, his thumb brushing over the head. Teddy quickly looked away with a strangled moan and _shit, yes, right there Bill._ The stars were bright in the darkened sky and Teddy had a moment to realize he'd never be able to come back here without thinking of Billy and this wasn't good, he was falling fast, before he arched his back and came hard, Billy's name bitter on his tongue.

When he was able to comprehend anything other than bliss, he found Billy nuzzled into his thigh with a sleepy look in his eyes, hands curled around Ted's hips almost possessively.

"Hey," Teddy's voice was hoarse and soft and a smug look sparkled in Billy's eyes. It was gone as soon as it appeared, hiding beneath sleep and weariness.

"Hey," Billy said back, eyes closing off the way Tom's did when anyone mentioned their family. Teddy sat up, forcing Billy to follow suit.

"Is it just me or are you starving too?" Teddy said as he stood, yanking his pants back up, trying to keep it light now. His pants were extremely uncomfortable and he grimaced as he bent to help Billy up.

"Food sounds good. Taco Bell?" Billy yawned and smiled at him, face still guarded.

Yeah, Teddy was fucked.

 

\-----

**Author's Note:**

> *free cookies is a lie unless you live near me


End file.
